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Backwards, forwards
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Four months is a while.
The last time I wrote here, I was sitting in the hospital bed under the influence of copious amounts of endone typing with one hand after breaking my other wrist and having surgery. The man next to me had the TV on full blast, but wore headphones because that felt more comfortable for him. He demanded they give him painkillers in capsule form, before storming out for a few hours when the doctors tried to force the normal medication to him. I didn't sleep well that night.
A lot has happened since then.
The leaves along Rathdowne and Drummond Street in Carlton North have re-appeared. I have watched in jealousy as other locals ride their bikes blissfully down the streets, vicariously wishing I was riding their bike. Same goes with any murmur of a bouncing basketball.
Alas I learned to accept my fate. I fucked up my body, and I needed to rest; regardless of whether I enjoyed laying around at home dozing in and out of sleep, regardless of whether I wanted to carry things or cook pasta in a pot, there was a 250g limit on my left side of the body for three months.
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I am sorry for not having written in so long.
I have been writing, just not to you dear reader, and not really for myself either.
I found the strength and courage to write about the situation in Hong Kong and how it affects Australians a while back, but otherwise I have been hammering out words and thoughts for work.
Amidst all of the appointments and the surgery, I ended up losing my beloved camera, which felt like a suckerpunch after everything I had already been through.
On weekends, my attention turned to just try to remember to enjoy the little things resting at home, and to not be so harsh on myself. I have been a ball of self-pity, and probably in a rut of exhaustion and frustration, but I think that is slowly changing.
Michelle and I have also been hitting the road, probably too much. Five trips over three months makes the mind fuzzy. I think we need to sleep for a whole month in a self-contained pod to recover.
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There have been moments of joy, plenty of them, I promise.
Perhaps I haven't prioritised those thoughts in my mind, but I also think it would be dishonest to ignore the difficulties.
A moment which stood out was just before I lost my camera when I walked past two curious, neighbourly cats who took an interest in me taking photos. They probably felt intimidated as they probably assumed I was an unusually large, odd-shaped, un-furry cat intruding on their territory; but I ended up waltzing around with them on the ground for a good 15 minutes, before their owner came out and started chatting to me.
I had taken the day off work, and I had absolutely no plans. I probably could have ended up playing with them all day. I think I miss these spontaneously, whimsical but ultimately pointless moments.
When I grow old I will probably still remember these cats so fondly, and tell everybody how when I lived in Brunswick that I would play with them even though I have only walked past them twice.
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The love, support and encouragement, particularly from Michelle has kept me going even when I have felt down, and I think I am turning the corner, and looking forwards.
The sun is now out, and I have been taking plenty of photos. I have been back on the bike tearing up the streets of the inner north. I vowed to finish the five books I started.
And I will probably write an unsustainable amount to make up for my absence.
Thanks for being patient with me.
Love,
T
© 2025 Thomas Feng