I started my year by finally purchasing a URL with my name in it, so my blog Indisposables now exists as thomasfeng.co! I have been thinking about it for the last three years, and as I continue to include more of my paid photography here, it only makes more sense to make the change now.
Oh the joys of branding yourself. More on that coming in 2020.
If you dabble every so often in reading my musings every now and then, you should subscribe to me directly! I'm consciously sharing less and less on social media (because it sucks), and generally find that I read messages and stories in greater depth when I stumble across them outside of social media.
T
2019 was a year where the bad outweighed the good. I don't need to dwell on that any longer. I have spent enough time in the rabbit hole.
And it is 2020, so everything in my life has magically changed since January 1 (not really).
Ignore my cynicism, I am actually trying hard to be present and enjoy the small moments.
From scrumptiously enjoying the surprising cookie bites in the Cookies'N'Cream ice-cream I am eating directly from the tub, to riding my bike every single day to discover new and old places, and making and spending quality time with friends old and new, I have been trying to have a more active and positive outlook on life.
If I continue to create small, seemingly insignificantly good memories, slowly but surely, the anxiety and trauma creeping into my brain eventually won't be such a constant presence.
Here are a few things I will do to make that happen.
Seeing the endless fields as you catch the train or drive along the freeway has set the tone for being present in a new place, without all the stresses and worries of work and home.
My favourite trips recently have been the ones where there were no real plans. Any attempts to read a meaningful book or magazine would result in me 15 minutes later falling fast asleep because my brain has not been able to compute literally anything.
I enjoy exploring new towns and discovering gems along the way, gently encouraging my creativity and ambitions to wander aimlessly. In Castlemaine, we trudged a couple of kms out of town to the local brewery, where we were positively inebriated and sunburnt by about 3.30pm, before finding the soberness to cook a warm, hearty vegie stew and play Articulate in an art-deco cottage for the night.
The night before, I gazed at the vast Milky-Way in its beautiful omnipotence for the first time.
I am so lucky to have such loving, kind, and tight friendships in my life. They encourage, enrich, and challenge me to be a better person, while also making me laugh along the way.
Last year with so many adjustments in life, we didn't share as many big moments together. When you are so caught up in your own lives, it is natural and justifiable to be selfish. But life is short, and I want to enjoy it as much as possible.
So I want to re-dedicate quality time and energy to friendships. Michelle and I were incredibly moved after watching Roma, and director Alfonso Cuaron summed this up perfectly when he said:
Existence is nothing but a shared experience of loneliness.
Making memories means more spontaneous adventures. It also means finding different wants of being able to relax and release the stress from a fast-paced, 40 hour Monday to Friday job.
Sometimes that means going to your favourite restaurant and enjoying a fancy night with a cocktail because you can; or practicing slow, mindful movements; or dancing your worries away to 80s pop; or raiding Kmart to temporarily borrow a pump to inflate a basketball with your friends to shoot hoops; or wandering out for a neighbourhood walk and observing the sky and the trees and the intricate details of buildings around you.
I want to regain a sense of living in the present.
I don't want to be increasingly cynical as I grow older.
I want to see the randomness, the humour and the beauty of life.
Part of that means not having a series of stressful and unfortunate events fall like dominos. Part of that means being resilient and seeing the love, resistance and kindness around you and within yourself.
I want to celebrate the good times.
Even if no one else sees it.
Even if it is small.
Even if it is meaningless.
Even if it doesn't happen in good times.
If this man can go through life proudly riding this outrageous golden motorcycle, then I can live my life and appreciate the little moments.
I am feeling more settled, and have 96587138125643 drafts to finish.
Adulting is hard. I feel no better at it than when I started.
But I appreciate you supporting me and staying connected with me throughout everything.
With love,
© 2026 Thomas Feng
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